I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
