my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
