Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
