Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
