Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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