btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
