i may or may not be watching the land before time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize