Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I smell stomach acid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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