When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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