I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
