haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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