Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
