so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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