So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize