is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
