You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
