i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
