It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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