Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
