I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he fucked my hip out of place.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
