I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
