I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize