You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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