she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
