There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
