Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
