it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
