Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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