The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
