I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
