You made me cry and you don't even care
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
