Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
