people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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