I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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