we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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