So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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