Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
