I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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