I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
