i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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