i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
