im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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