I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
