So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
