trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
