I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
