i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
