Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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