Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
