today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
