you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
