Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
