Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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