I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize