wat bout pragnant strippers??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
