remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize