hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
