I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
