Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
