i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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