I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
