my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
