I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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