Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
