So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize